Sunday, August 9, 2009

Sovereign Grace Bible Church

Jim Kang, Pastor-Teacher

THE EXCELLENT WIFE

Proverbs 31:10-31

INTRODUCTION

The title of our study comes right out of verse 10. The KJV has it, “a virtuous woman”; NKJV – “a virtuous wife,” and NASB – “an excellent wife.” The Hebrew word literally means “a woman of valor – a woman who is brave, bold, and strong,” as opposed to being timid, afraid, and weak. She is brave, bold, and strong in that she has certain moral and biblical principles that she lives by. She isn’t brave, bold, and strong only when it is convenient and only when it looks good to her, but she consistently fights for truth and lives by what is right. By no means, she is compromiser, immature, and far from being called foolish. She knows what Proverbs 1:7 says, for it says, “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge: but fools despise wisdom and instruction.”

When a woman is spiritual, godly, and possesses much fine characteristics, she is rightly called “excellent” in many senses. Scripture may not call her “perfect wife” for there is no woman or wife that is perfect; and even if you single guys find a “perfect” woman, don’t marry her because you might ruin her! And that goes same for the single women as well since there is no man or husband that is perfect.

Although the Scripture may not call a woman with this godly character the “perfect wife,” but her husband can call her an “excellent” wife. And to the sight of God, this type of wife is as 1 Peter 3:4 says of “great price,” or as our text says, “for her price is far above rubies”. In other words, she is priceless!

What makes this woman, this wife so priceless? And why is she called a virtuous woman, a virtuous wife, or an excellent wife? That answer can be found in Proverbs 31. But before we can answer those questions, it’s important to remind ourselves once again from our last two messages on the role of wives, namely that she is to be submissive to her husband as the church is to Christ.

Moreover, she was created to be the helper for her husband, so that he can fulfill what God has called him to do. And some of the ways in which she can help her husband is to focus her attention on raising their children and providing biblical education for them at their home. God has called both parents to provide ethical, biblical, and theological training for their child (Proverbs 22:6). Hence, home is the center for such foundational education.

While the husband is at work to provide for the family, the privilege to train up their children is largely and pragmatically given to the wife, since she is called in Titus 2:5 the “worker at home.” All that is to say, the wife’s responsibility and her priority is first in the home. And even our text today from Proverbs 31 indicates that her husband and her children are where her heart is. Thus her home is where her priority lies.

And it is from this OT teaching that the Apostle Paul later reiterates in 1 Timothy 5:14: “I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house (oikodespotein – i.e. worker at home or manager of home), give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully” (1 Tim. 5:14). This is a God-given calling for all Christian women, namely to be the wife to her husband, to be the mother to her children (if God has blessed her with this), and be the worker at home or manager of home. In other words, home is her primary domain. Home is where she is called to fulfill this high calling. And in Titus 2, Paul told the mature women in the church to “teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, “keepers at home” (oikouros)….that the word of God be not blasphemed” (vv. 3-5).

Having said that, I am not suggesting that there is any virtue in simply staying home. What’s really important is what you do when you’re there. When she is at home she should spend a bulk of her time educating herself in the area that she could become a better wife, mother, and a better keeper of home. For instance, asking yourself:

• How is our family eating? Am I doing my best to provide a healthy and nutrious food for my husband and children? What can I do better, not what is most convenient for me, as in eating out or microwave food.

• How can I better teach my children the Bible? How can I teach them some of the basic theological doctrines? What can I read to better understand God, the Bible, church, marriage, family, and/or parenting? What can I read to help me with anger, prayer, time management, communication, and people relationship? What can I read to better serve the people at church? How can I better equip myself to help fellow sisters at church, etc?

• Does my husband and/or children need clothes? Does he have enough shirts, socks, and other basics? Does my husband and/or children have proper clothes for proper events, especially, for the Lord’s Day? What do we do with Psalm 96:9, which says, “Worship the LORD in holy attire; Tremble before Him, all the earth”? Hence, does our family understand that on the Lord’s Day, we don’t dress as if we’re going to the beach, a picnic at the park, or an atheletic event, but we come to worship the King of kings and the Lord of the lords?

• What can we do to save our utility bills better next month? Is our house properly maintained to be hospitable anytime?

As you can imagine all those things require a tremendous time and effort. That is why it is impossible to be the proper carer of home and family if she would to work fulltime outside of her home. Something has to go, but it isn’t your God ordained role.

Again, what’s really important is what you do when you’re at home. And this is where Proverbs 31 can shed some lights. With that in mind, let me point out four aspects of an excellent wife: her marriage, her manner, her maturity, and her motive.

I. Her Marriage (vv. 10-12, 28-29)

Our text begins with the question: who can find a virtous woman, a virtuous wife, or an excellent wife?

I often tell many singles that if they want to find the right person, they have to be the right person first. You will only attract the type of person that you are. If you’re worldly, guess what type of people you will be attracted to? It takes one to know one. If you’re the type of person who doesn’t speak the whole truth, lie and cheat here and there in your convenience, and doesn’t have strong convictions to live above the normal standards of the day and culture, then do you think the person in his/her right mind want to spend rest of his/her life with you? Who are you kidding? You will only attract the type of person that you are.

But if you love the Lord Jesus Christ and you want to live your life to serve and please him, guess what type of person you will be attracted to? Definitely, not the person who goes to the happy hour, right?

If you pursue holiness and godliness, guess what type of person will pursue you? Again, you will only attract the type of person you are. Why? It is because the person who wants to pursue you, wants the very thing that you are after, namely to be holy and godly, and desire to know and serve the Lord Jesus Christ. So, don’t waste your time, energy, and money to look or find the right person. Instead, do spend your time, energy, and money in being the right person first! Furthermore, save yourself from trying to be the right person to other people. Instead, be the right person to God first. Stop being a  people pleaser, but instead, be a God-pleaser!

Notice verse 10 says who can find an excellent wife, not when or where? But suppose single guys would ask that question, what would you say? What would you say if a single guy would ask you, “When can I find an excellent wife?” Would you say, never in your life time dude! Maybe. Or, keep dreaming pal! All seriousness, a biblical answer is, in God’s perfecting timing.

Suppose the single guy asks you, “Where can I find the excellent wife for me?” I know what my answer would be. I would say we have four that are being trained right here in this church! And I would also quickly point out that their parents would all affirm that their daughters have a very long way to go! All seriousness, a right answer would be that if you are looking for a godly woman, you’ll find her close to the heart of God, praising, knowing, and serving God – i.e., the local church. All that is to say, if you’re looking for a godly woman, you’re not going to find her at the club scene or bar.

The relationship between the excellent wife and her husband is that of trust (v. 11). Trust is usually given initially, but when it is broken, it is not impossible but difficult to gain it back. Hence, trustworthiness is credibility that has been earned over a period of time. That is why when I counsel single guys that are in relationship and thinking about marriage, I often say, get to know her wisely. Ask her some hard questions about life, theology, and views regarding her role as Christian wife, mom, etc. Find out her service record at her local church because that can give some ideas about her faithfulness. Find out her spending habits. Is she trustworthy with money? I would also advise to get into fights with her. Find out how responds to you in anger. All that is to say, take wise approaches to discern whether she is trustworthy, a person of integrity.

It’s a wonderful thing when the heart of her husband can safely trust her. Trust her in what? Ethically, emotionally, physically, financially, and spiritually. This husband sees his wife as trustworthy, which allows him to work without any worries because he has a full confidence in her faithfulness, integrity, discretion, and judgment. The context of Proverbs 31 indicates that she is responsible for a sizeable home with great resources, yet her husband does not worry about leaving her with such responsibility because he trusts his wife to be a woman with great stewardship. When a wife has earned this much of trustworthiness, the husband can freely focus on his work without distractions. Hence, that is one of many ways, which you can be your husband’s helper. As you recall from Genesis 2, the wife is called to be his helper, not hinderer. In fact, verse 12 of our text indicates, the excellent wife’s best interest is for her husband and she does everything she can to do him good. She is her husband’s asset, not a liability.

II. Her Manner (vv. 13-24).

What I mean by that is her behavior. Notice all the verbs from verse 13 to 24.

• She looks and she works with her hands (v. 13).
• She brings food (v. 14).
• She rises and gives food (v. 15).
• She considers and she plants a vineyard (v. 16).
• She girds and makes her arms strong (v. 17).
• She senses (v. 18).
• She stretches out her hands (v. 19).
• She extends and stretches out her hands to the needy (v. 20).
• She is not afraid (v. 21).
• She makes (v. 22).
• She makes and supplies (v. 24).

It is important to note that her manner displays who she is. First, the excellent wife willingly works with her hands. In other words, she does not have lazy hands or afraid to work with her hands. The wool in verse 13 was used for making clothing for the colder seasons of the year; whereas, flax was used for linen, which was lighter for the warmer seasons. The point is the excellent wife works willingly with her hands (v. 13). She does not have to be coerced into working, but she willingly works with her hands to produce good clothing for her family.

In addition, verse 19 reiterates this point about her busy and hardworking hands. In fact, throughout this section her hands been referenced seven times (vv. 13, 16, 19 [2x], 20 [2x], and 31).

Second, the excellent wife travels a distance to provide the best food for her family (v. 14). One Bible commentator explains it this way:

Continual trips to the local market for the standard fare was not her practice; she would travel distances to obtain the best food at the best price. She didn’t just slap together whatever she had; she wanted to provide what she thought her family would enjoy. That required good planning and good management.[1]

All that is to say, her goal is not whatever is easiest or most convenient for her, but she makes incredible effort in providing what is best, freshest, and healthiest.

Third, the excellent wife is an early bird and far from being lazy – “she rises also while it is still night” (v. 15). In order to have the food prepared for the entire family each day, she had to rise early before anyone did. What wife would not like to stay in bed longer? Hence, we see a woman with great sacrifice and commitment to her husband and her children. The text shows that she wasn’t only committed to her family but also to her employees.

Fourth, the excellent wife is industrious (v. 16). You need to understand that her husband did not give her the money to buy the field. Instead, she bought it and planted the vineyard with her own earnings. Her industrious example is also repeated in verse 24, where she makes, sells, and supplies.

Some feminists would say that the role of staying home wives are boring and demeaning, especially, one that is described here in Proverbs 31, but nothing is far from the truth. One commentator rightly said:

A homemaker has to combine elements of an economist, administrator, and business manager to analyze available purchases, exercise wisdom and foresight to make intelligent purchases, and assign tasks to her household labor force. At the same time she has to fulfill her responsibilities as a wife to her husband and provide tender, loving care to all her children.[2]

All that is to say, her work is never boring and demeaning but exciting. She is rightly called “the chief financial officer” of the family because she proves to be clever and industrious.

Fifth, the excellent wife is strong (v. 17). Verse 17 tells us that she has strong arms, which indicates her physical strength due to her daily work. There are many women, especially, the young ones that are weak. They work only a few hours and after that, they say they cannot work anymore. I have known plenty of Paris Hilton-like when I used to shepherd high school to young adults group back in California.

Perhaps, it was their parents’ fault for sheltering and babying their daughters most of their lives. Nevertheless, most of all, it was their own fault for developing such a bad work ethics over the years due to their laziness. I often told them: if you think of yourself as a little princess and think that you will never get dirt under your fingernails, then you need to seriously wake-up from your fantasy. The excellent wife according to Proverbs 31 is a woman who is strong because she works hard. She is far from being lazy.

Sixth, the excellent wife has a high standard (v. 18). Notice she senses that her gain or her merchandise is good. The merchandise refers to the product she produced from the vineyard that she planted back in verse 16. Notice the text clearly states that she perceives or senses that her merchandise is good, not bad, or so-so. Due to her excellent work ethic that she demonstrates at home, she carries such standard and quality to her business. She does not settle for mediocrity but quality.

Since her priority is her family, her standard of business quality is simply a mere reflection of her quality at home. She is driven by excellence in all that she does and she wants nothing but the best for everyone in her family – of course, within God given means that is. Her standard not includes the best and healthiest food for her family, but also, a high moral expectation for her children, etiquette, education, including the best Christian education at home. Because she works hard to manage all these areas, that may mean she even stays up late at night – i.e., “her lamp does not go out at night” (v. 18b).

Seventh, the excellent wife is compassionate to the poor and needy (v. 20). Although she works hard to save and store the goods for the future like the proverbial ants, when it comes to reaching out to the poor and the needy, she does not hold back. She is known for her compassion and liberal giving.

Eighth, the excellent wife cares how she presents herself (v. 22). In other words, she has some fashion sense. Just as flashy clothes can draw attention, so do women who dress as if she just came back from the Survivor Show or the Little House in the Prairie. The excellent wife wore fine linen and purple. In ancient time, the color purple was considered elegant and royal.

III. Her Maturity (vv. 25-27).

Her maturity is shown in a couple of ways. First, the excellent wife’s maturity shows by her trust in God’s sovereignty. Verse 25 says she smiles at the future. That means she does not fear or worry about the future, because she knows that all things are in God’s hands. She is a woman of faith. She does not worry about the future because she knows that she is right with God. Her smiles depict her peace with God. Her confidence is not in herself but in a great God. That is why she is clothed with such strength and dignity.

Second, the excellent wife’s maturity shows by rightly knowing and applying Scripture (v. 26). Some wives think that it is enough that their husbands know the Bible and theology, while they remain in ignorance. As I already mentioned earlier, the wives are to be well equipped with Scripture and sound doctrines so that they can provide the highest Christian education at their home for their children.

• ^NAU Proverbs 6:20 My son, observe the commandment of your father And do not forsake the teaching of your mother;

• ^NAU 2 Timothy 1:5 For I am mindful of the sincere faith within you, which first dwelt in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice, and I am sure that it is in you as well.

• ^NAU 2 Timothy 3:14 You, however, continue in the things you have learned and become convinced of, knowing from whom you have learned them, ¹⁵ and that from childhood you have known the sacred writings which are able to give you the wisdom that leads to salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus.

Because the excellent wife is spiritually mature, no wonder her children bless her and her husband praises her (vv. 28-29). To an excellent wife, that is her highest joy and complement. She gets nominated every year as “the woman of the year” by her family.

IV. Her Motive (vv. 30-31).

When a man can share his life with a woman who fears God, he is truly blessed. He thought she was beautiful on the day of their wedding? Guess what? She will become more beautiful to him with every passing year!

Her ultimate motive in life as a wife and mother is, for the Lord! Although she loves her husband and her children, without the Lord, she knows that she cannot be a good wife and mother. That is where her true motive lies – she fears the Lord!

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[1] John MacArthur, Different By Design: Discovering God’s Will for Today’s Man and Woman (Wheaton: Victor, 1994), 77.

[2] Ibid., 78.